The Scarlet Letter D

Divorced people feel judged.

It doesn't matter whether you feel as if you are judging them, or not. They feel judged.

Perhaps they are. Perhaps they were abandoned by their Sunday School classes, their small groups, their friends and families when they went through their divorce. Maybe their perception of abandonment and judgment was born of the inherent loneliness that follows when your life partner is no longer a part of you.

For this reason, teaching the Biblical position on divorce has become more difficult. Everyone has been touched by this issue. They've either been divorced, or have a close friend or relative who has. Seeing the potential for hurt feelings and estranged friendships, many churches have dropped the issue altogether. Others embrace divorce, hoping to show love and acceptance to those who have endured this tragedy.

The problem with teaching God's position on divorce, the position God clearly spells out in the Bible, is that all too often we miss the fundamental premise of Christianity when we teach this doctrine. The fundamental premise of Christianity is redemption and restoration. This premise materialized in the Gospel, the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ for our sins according to the scriptures (1 Corinthians 15:3-4).

We believe that all have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), and as a result, all are condemned to an eternity in Hell (Romans 6:23). However, Jesus Christ died that death on our behalf, settling God's need for justice, and He rose again conquering death and opening the doors of Heaven. We believe that we can be redeemed and restored, and welcomed into God's Kingdom as one of His children if we repent and believe that Jesus died for us on the cross (Romans 5:6-12, 1 John 2:1-2).

This is a concept that we celebrate. We celebrate the redemption in our lives. We celebrate that the Lord turned our lives around, and we are no longer lost in the darkness that once defined our lives.

We celebrate being redeemed from alcoholism, immorality, substance abuse and hopelessness. Not only that, but we celebrate when we see the Lord redeem and restore others as well. Some of the best-selling testimonials come from hardened-criminals-turned-redeemed-saints who are now spreading the good news of their salvation, and telling others how they too can be redeemed.

We love it when a man tells us about finding Christ in prison, how he went from living a ruined life to living a life that has purpose. We'll buy the book, we'll schedule special screenings of the movie, we'll invite the man to preach at our church. The story of redemption, restoration and reconciliation is an encouragement, and exciting to every believer.

Except, of course, when it comes to divorce. For some reason, unlike substance abuse, youthful sexual immorality, theft, incarceration and hedonism, divorce is treated like a permanent scar, that even after the salvation experience, one bears in their forehead. We may not intend to treat divorce like this, but we all too often preach God's plan for marriage, without including God's redemptive plan for when we fail to live up to His plan.

Divorce was never God's plan.

In Mark 10, The Pharisees asked Jesus if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. When Jesus asked what the Law of Moses said, they replied "Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away." (Mark 10:4).

God's attitude toward marriage and divorce was then succinctly stated by Christ in Mark 10:5-9, which say:

And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Notice what Christ did. Instead of splitting hairs over legitimate and illegitimate divorce, Christ stated God's plan. The plan of marriage was for a man and a woman to be joined together in marriage, and to stay joined together for life. However, because of the hardness of men's hearts, a provision allowing for divorce was written into God's law. In other words, if God's plan for the married life was not being followed, there was a way out for the innocent spouse.

In Matthew 19, and Matthew 5, Jesus stated that a legitimate reason for divorce is fornication. Fornication is defined as sexual immorality, which includes adultery, sex before marriage, pornography, sexual abuse, and physical and emotional abuse meant to allow for physical domination. In these cases, the offended spouse not only suffers intense emotional pain, but is also in physical danger. So, the Lord allows an escape through divorce. Ephesians gives a provision for abandonment.

In these cases, God's plan is violated, and God's word provides a remedy, as it does in other areas where His plan is violated.

So, God's law allows for divorce for certain reasons, but His plan is still for lifelong unity. Still, as broken human beings, we often fail to live up to God's plan.

Later, in Mark 10:11-12, Jesus states that getting divorced just so you can hook up with someone else is the same as committing adultery. These verses do not teach that those who have been divorced and remarried are living in eternal adultery. They merely state that divorces for the intent of sexual liberation are adultery.

Now, given God's plan for marriage, and His allowance for divorce, we need to remember that we never live up to God's plan.

For the spouse who was victimized by the fornication mentioned in Matthew 5 and Matthew 19, we need to remember that there is healing in the Lord. For the spouse that committed the fornication in Matthew 5 and Matthew 19, we need to remember that there is redemption in the Lord. For the one who committed adultery in the sense Christ mentioned in Mark 10:11-12, we need to remember that there is forgiveness, redemption and restoration in the Lord.

Even "amicable" divorces are brutal, devastating, painful, and leave one emotionally scarred. We, as the church, need to be aware of this, and remember this. We need to show our friends, brothers and sisters who have been devastated by divorce that there is healing and forgiveness in the Lord.

And when we address the issue of God's design for marriage, and His stance on divorce, we need to hold firm to what the scriptures teach, while extending the Lord's grace to those who fall short.

Who knows? Next time we might be the ones receiving the scarlet letter.