Stealing Sorrow

Sally sat in the pastor's office almost in tears. Her brother had passed away the week before and she was trying to get back into the routine of life.

"I know I shouldn't be crying, because I know that he is with the Lord," she said. "I can't believe I don't have more faith than this."

The pastor showed her John 11:35... "Jesus wept."

To weep means to cry, to shed tears. Surrounded by the Jews who were mourning Lazarus' death, Jesus wept.

Jesus wept knowing what God's plan was (John 11:11, 15).
Jesus wept knowing He had the power to resurrect Lazarus.
Jesus wept knowing He would resurrect Lazarus.
Jesus wept out of sympathy for the sorrow felt by Mary and Martha.

Knowing Jesus wept, why was Sally in her pastor's office criticizing herself for weeping? Because a previous pastor and church leadership had taught that crying over the loss of a loved one constituted a lack of faith. That concept is not Biblical.

Did Jesus have a lack of faith when He wept?
Did David have a lack of faith when he wept over the deaths of Jonathan and Saul?
Jeremiah was known as the weeping prophet... was he unfaithful?
Was Abraham unfaithful when he mourned for Sarah?
No! So why is Sally unfaithful when she mourns for her brother? She isn't!

There are those who read the scripture that says "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." Then, they read "For he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him."

They conclude that your faith should be so strong in the fact that your loved one is with the Lord that you should not mourn... in fact, you should be happy.

Such flawed thinking is indicative of Biblical ignorance coupled with pious arrogance.

Mourning is natural. It's an emotion God gave us, it's an emotion He feels.

We mourn when our loved ones pass away... but not for them. We mourn for ourselves. That's why 1 Thessalonians 4 is a good comfort passage. It reminds us that we will be reunited with our loved ones.

Don't steal sorrow by shaming someone for mourning the loss of a loved one, and don't repeatedly say "He's with Jesus now." Your job is to comfort the mourner with the words of 1 Thessalonians 4, and to see what you can do to help them in their time of bereavement.

If you are mourning, don't be ashamed. Your mourning just shows how much you really loved the deceased. Mourning is a sign that you are normal, natural and healthy.

Sally went on to mourn for her brother. She grew as a result and went on to become a vital member of the church.