I personally found it startling how big of a percentage of Southern Baptist Youth turn 19 without having made a profession of faith, how many Christian parents knowingly purchase inappropriate movies, magazines, video games and music for their kids despite their reservations, and the large percentage of lewd behavior by American teens. Even worse, most Christian parents didn't even see leading their child to Christ as being a benchmark for successful parenting (most placed emphasis on college).
Jessica's research did more than point out the problem, however, it offered solutions. The main solution was to educate parents about what their kids are going through, and the needs to place priority on their children's spiritual development. Practical ways to accomplish this were also discussed.
The following is Jessica's research paper, entitled "Educating Parents of Adolescents and Teens," in its entirety.
Educating Parents of Adolescents and Teens
The goal of this paper is to explore the education of parents concerning their adolescents and teens within the context of the church. This will be accomplished by first defining what it means to educate parents, secondly by establishing what facets of adolescent and teen life ought to be the focus of their education, and lastly by what means parents are to be educated within the context of the church.
Defining Education
According to Webster’s Dictionary, education is the instruction, schooling, teaching, training, tuition, tutelage, or tutoring of an individual or persons for the purpose of producing knowledge or for the development of skills. As a church focuses on educating parents it is important to know the method of education the church will be attempting. It would be less feasible for a church to plan on educating parents through schooling, however, training would be more appropriate. Training is the accumulation of skills, knowledge, and experience which can be attained in a church context. (Merriam-Webster 2011)
At this juncture there is a goal to train parents for the purpose of producing knowledge, the development of skills, and accumulation of experience with the desire to educate them concerning their adolescents. To educate an individual means to develop mentally, morally, or aesthetically, especially by instruction or through the provision of information. It can further mean to persuade or condition an individual to feel, believe, or act in a desired way. (Merriam-Webster 2011) By defining educate, the outcomes of education is further quantified by the inclusion of the desired response to the training, to get the parents to believe and act in a desired way.
Within the context of the goals of this paper the education of parents will be defined through the view of training in light of the accumulation of skills, knowledge, and experience. The purpose of this education is to develop within the parents a belief that they are an integral part of the development of their youth and that they have a significant influence on the behavior and future of their youth. Through this belief parents will become proactive and engaged in the lives of their youth and in their spiritual development.
Developing the Areas of Focus within the Training
In developing an education plan for parents of adolescents it is important to develop a sense of urgency for the parents to become more engaged in the developmental processes of their youth. This developmental period of adolescents must be seen by both the trainer and the trainee as a time of great possibilities and with a high propensity for influence.
Adolescence is a period of great risks and opportunities. The dramatic biological changes that accompany this transition are essentially the same as they have been for millennia, but the social context in which they occur is very different from earlier times and continues to change rapidly. Changes in the American family, the economic structure, the media, and the community have all affected the way adolescents live and interact with peers and with the rest of society. Within this social context, adolescents need to find ways to develop a vision of the future, to formulate an image of what adulthood offers and demands, and to work out a perception of opportunity and paths toward practical implementation of such opportunity. (JAMA 1993, 269)It is with the great risks and opportunities that face adolescents in mind that the needs of youth are identified and the education of parents is developed. Dramatic biological changes, a rapidly changing social climate, changes to the American family, changes in the economy, the media, and the spiritual climate all lead to risks and opportunities for youth. Churches and parents have the potential to work together to help youth develop a healthy vision for their future and respect for the expectations of adulthood.
The Case for Educating Parents about Biological Changes and Pressures
The importance of educating parents about the physical changes of their youth cannot be trivialized nor the sexual pressures that they face. The sexual development of adolescents often occurs earlier than parents are aware. For females the first signs of development usually occur around age 11. Some girls will develop even sooner, with one out of seven Caucasian girls and one-half of African American girls developing breasts or pubic hair by age 8. Girls will typically experience the onset of menstruation around 12 to 13 years of age. For adolescent males spermarche usually occurs around age thirteen, a full year after they have already begun producing sperm. With such early ages for the onset of puberty the sooner parents can be educated about the biological changes, the better equipped they will be to support their children and begin to understand the sexual pressures that youth face in today’s culture. (Adolescence: Feldman 51-52)
If their adolescent has not been directly affected by sexual involvement their life has been impacted by someone who has been.
Chicago—A quarter of teenaged girls have a sexually transmitted disease (STD), and addressing this problem is hindered by a lack of STD screening in contraceptive services for teens and young women, according to reports presented at the 2008 National STD Prevention Conference held in March. (JAMA 2008, 1888)The staggering statistic of one in four young women having contracted an STD is staggering, however, it is not the only problem highlighted by the above study. The other problem reflected is the idea that this problem is hindered by the lack of screening for STDs. One in four young women does not contract an STD due to a lack of screening but a lack in the establishment of proper expectations on American youth; expectations that should be set by parents and encouraged by churches. Movies, television and music promote sex as being pure bliss apart from consequences. (“A Piece of My Mind” JAMA 1995 Vol 273)
Parents and churches need to be a dissenting voice to the lies the media touts as truth. It is in the power of parents to establish proper expectations on adolescent behavior through intentional parenting in intimate homes. Furthermore, it is within the power of the church to educate and empower parents in the development of homes that promote the proper views and expectations on youth sexuality. The ultimate desire is to equip parents with the skills and experience to be trained to tackle the challenges of adolescent sexuality in a hyper sexualized culture. A sexual culture that reaches into more than sixty percent of American homes through the internet and two-thirds of American homes through cable television. The desired outcomes are parents who craft and maintain a lifestyle that will establish within the hearts of youth the proper expectation to make good choices which will produce good consequences. (Jackson 2004)
Beyond the physical changes and sexual pressures of adolescents is their cognitive ability. It is important for parents to be aware that youth are not miniature adults. Youth will act with great reason than with extreme impulsivity, their emotions will fluctuate frequently, and they will test their limits. These facts are built in to their development or lack thereof. The frontal cortex of the adolescent brain will not fully develop until the mid-twenties. The frontal cortex is responsible for reasoning, planning, and judgment. Without their full judgment abilities to their disposal adolescents will find themselves feeling invincible and parents as unreasonable dissenting voices to their plans. It is at this critical juncture in their development that parents take on a fully engaged approach to instilling critical thinking skills within their children. These skills will help youth to judge the value and impact of their choices. ( Modern Parents, Vintage Values: M. Trevathan and S. Goff)
The Case for Educating Parents on Social Climate
Parents have failed in passing their faith onto their children. They are allowing cultural and educational influences to mold adolescents’ world view. An Adolescent will spend 16,000 hours in secular education from kindergarten through high school and less than ten percent of that in the church during the same 13 years, (for those that attend church). The proportion of time spent in secular education compared to church education is reflected in the attitudes of born again parents. “Seventy percent of born again parents did not mention leading their children to faith in Christ as a critical outcome of their parenting. Nearly forty percent of parents thought getting a good education was an important parenting outcome.” (Barna Research) The world view of critical parenting outcomes projected by survey participants shows the staggering impact of secular culture on families. In June 2006, Dr. Ed Young reported to the Southern Baptist Convention Pastors’ Conference that seventy-five percent of children raised in SBC churches will not have been won to Christ by the age of 19. (Southern Baptist Association of Christian Schools, Alarming Facts, Trends and Statistics)
The Partnership for a Drug-Free America shows just how out of touch parents are with the current social climate. Twenty-five percent of parents think that their child has tried marijuana when in all actuality thirty-seven percent of youth in the seventh through tenth grades have tried the drug; as documented by the Attitude Tracking Study in 2005. An even more destructive reality is that twenty-one percent of eighth graders have used an illicit drug and forty-eight percent of youth will have used one before leaving high school. (Time to Talk 2007)
Furthermore, parents are allowing popular culture and mass media to define beauty. (“What is Beauty?” Focus on the Family 2011) A disheartening find in women’s personal views show that only two percent of women would define themselves as beautiful. (New Global Study Uncervs Desire for Broader Definition of Beauty 2004) With mothers not leading out in the true definition of a beautiful woman as defined by God as a woman who fears the Lord and is virtuous, Christian parents cannot expect for their daughters or sons to have a Biblical view of beauty. (“What is Beauty?” Focus on the Family 2011)
The Case for Educating Parents on the American Family
The view of what a family looks and acts like is rapidly changing. Americans have grown comfortable with the idea of divorce and see it often times as a natural part of life. Thirty-three percent of all adults have been divorced at least one time. The view of the permanence of the family unit is rapidly deteriorating. (“New Marriage and Family Statistics Released” Barna Group 2008)
This family and societal problem is not new to most parents, however, for better or worse adolescents are emulating the people that they know best, their parents and other close family members. This means that the behaviors of the parents and close relatives will be repeated by youth and will drive how they view relationships. Adolescents’ social skills and family skills are being developed by what is being modeled at home. When determining their own behavior parents should be trained that their youth will do what they do. (“Teen Role Models: Who They Are, Why They Matter” Barna Group 2011)
Parents matter. Their influence on their youth is undeniable as they are the primary “impact people”. (Partnering with Parents in Youth Ministry 2003) Parents need to come to the firm understanding that if they are not “integrated into kid’s faith development, it’s a miracle if their young people continue in the life of the church.” (The Family-Friendly Church, B. Freudenberg) All too often parents want to minimize the impact of their current behaviors on their children. They want to believe that they can send their children to church so that the church can do the faith teaching; without them having to live out the faith that they claim to have or do the work of personally nurturing their children’s faith. (The Family-Friendly Church) In an effort to minimize their role as their youth’s primary spiritual influence they are attempting to remove their personal responsibility for the results. Their effort is fruitless; adolescents are bringing the matter to the forefront of the discussion of the American family by declaring that their parents matter and that the biggest influence and indicator of their behavior is that of their family.
The Case for Educating Parents about Family Economy
A 2009 Lifeway Research survey found that fifty-two percent of American adults with one child at home under the age of 18 years agree that their income brings in enough money to support their lifestyles. When asked how much more annual income would be needed to make them financially comfortable 14 percent said that they would need an additional $10,000, and 47 percent said that they would need at least another $20,000. Two-thirds of adults expressed that they have concern that their families never seem to get ahead. “Although a large number of parents are dissatisfied with their financial situations, many of them don’t have a plan to improve things.” (“Research Parents Value God, Worry About Money” Lifeway)
It is important that churches are aware of the living wage required for families to survive in the area they serve. A family of four may be able to live on $8.00 per hour wage in Cheyenne, Wyoming, however, need to be making a $14.00 per hour wage in Boston just to supply the basic needs without government assistance. Churches need to be aware of that the youth and parents they serve could be living in poverty, which heaps a copious amount of stress on parent-child relationships. (Hope for Children in Poverty, R. Sider and H. Unruh)
Parents need a sense of safety just as their youth. “Parents find safety when a congregation accepts their current situation and helps them to make the most of that situation.” (Embracing Parents, Jolene and Eugene Roehlkepartain). Churches and youth ministers need to keep that simple truth in mind while evaluating parents’ needs for training. With the high financial anxiety and lack of financial stability parents face the need for financial education. While a majority of parents claim that they have clear financial goals only seven percent have actually put those goals in writing. Parents need support in building a stronger financial future for their family and a clear direction on how to get there. (“Research Parents Value God, Worry About Money” Lifeway)
The Case for Educating Parents about Media
Christian parents are large consumers of media for their adolescents. Seventy-eight percent of Christian parents purchased a DVD for their teenagers in the past year and a discouraging one out of four did not feel comfortable about the purchase they made. Out parents who purchased CDs for their children in the past year one-third had concerns about the content. Out of parents who purchased video games for their teens in the past year forty-six percent admitted being concerned about the content. Almost half of Christian parents purchased a magazine for their child in the past year and nearly one third were not comfortable with the content. Despite personal convictions parents are struggling to “walk the fine line between buying things that are morally appropriate while being relevant to the age group.” (“Christian Parents are not Comfortable with Media but Buy Them for Their Kids Anyway” Barna Research Group 2007)
“The process of selecting appropriate Christmas presents for children is a microcosm of the spiritual tension millions of Christian adults struggle with,” Barna noted. “Many Christian parents are striving to serve two conflicting masters: society and God.” (Barna 2007) Unfortunately parents are choosing the master of society and being facilitators of material consumption apart from faith in God within the lives of their children. Parents are choosing to be socially relevant in a postmodern society instead of choosing to instill the precepts of the Lord on their children. Parents need encouragement that they can be even more relevant to the lives and needs of their youth by choosing God over society from other parents and the church. (Barna 2007)
The Case for Educating Parents on the Current Spiritual Climate
There have been dramatic spiritual shifts in American culture. In Passing the Torch of God’s Truth, the question is posed, “Are we seeing the gospel of Jesus Christ advance in our communities and in our nation?” In order to answer that question Dr. Rienow, co-author of the book, looked to the research of Thom Rainer which reveals an alarming answer:
From those born before 1946, 65% of the US population identified themselves as Christians because of their decision to trust Christ as Lord and Savior. For those born between 1946 and 1964 the number dropped to 35%, then for those born from 1965-1976 it fell still further to 15%. In shocking conclusion, among those born between 1977 and 1994 only 4% identified themselves as having put their faith and trust in Christ.Parents are not passing on their faith to their youth. There is a generational evangelism and discipleship crisis in the United States. It is time to educate parents that they are the keys to changing the spiritual climate of their youth and the nation. It is a cold reality that we are looking at being in the same position as Europe where only a staggering two percent know Jesus as savior out of 821 million. (Passing the Torch of God’s Truth, P. Loth)
Despite dramatic changes in religious affiliation teenagers are vibrant in their religious activity. There is a generation of seekers looking for spiritual connectedness. In fact 60% of teens are involved in some type of group spiritual activity in a regular week. (“How Teenagers’ Faith Practices are Changing, Barna 2010) What this means for parents is that it is time to get engaged in their youth’s spiritual development. When it comes to church involvement those who were raised going to Sunday school in their childhood and teen years are more likely to have an active faith as adults. Youth given positive guidance in spiritual activity before the age of 18 establish future spiritual vitality. (“New Research Explores the Long-Term Effect of Spiritual Activity among Children and Teens” Barna 2009) It cannot be reiterated enough that parents are the primary impact on their youth. They need to be encouraged to fill that calling and responsibility in the nurturing of their children’s spiritual lives.
Educating Parent’s in the Context of the Church
Education of parents about their adolescents can take place in many forms. A regular or special edition of a parenting newsletter such as the “Parent Resource Center Bulletin” supplied by Families in Action at familiesforaction.org, a youth newsletter published by the youth ministry department, or bulletin insert such as those supplied by Heritage Builders can increase awareness among parents about what is really happening in the lives of teens. Informing parents of staggering statistics, current challenges, and current events that are impacting the lives of their youth, can challenge the preconceptions that parents hold concerning these formative adolescent years. The power of this information can prompt them to take a proactive stance in the education and expectations of their youth’s behavior.
Education, however, goes beyond knowledge; the goal goes beyond a talk about sex, drugs, or media. The role of the church goes beyond the simple acknowledgement of staggering statistics. It goes to the development of a church environment that allows parents to garner the skills and experience they need to create a lifestyle of intentional parenting and discipleship within their homes. Creating a church that impacts the lives of parents who will then raise children that make proper choices and who grown as Disciples of Christ is a formidable challenge. It is a challenge that can only be met by a church that is intentional in its leading out in parental education and feels that it is the calling of the family to lead out in the spiritual development of youth and it is the role of the church to be the facilitator for that leadership. God created families to be the center of discipleship and it is “the responsibility of church leaders to inspire and to equip these discipleship centers to fulfill their mission.” (MinistryToday February 2009 60-62)
The church should take a proactive strategy in ministering to the families within the congregation. Churches should desire to equip families to grow through the implementation of well-structured marriage and family curriculum, small groups for parents, support groups, seminars, classes, family activities and events, along with insuring that resources are made available. Churches should be open to having a family life pastor as a future staff position. Youth pastors should see their role is to incorporate the youth into the intergenerational congregation of the church and establish connections to the youths’ families. Parents need to be respected as centers of influence. (The Gate Church, Frank Damazio)
There are several resources available to churches to aid in the support of family ministry and parent education. Many of the resources churches need to create an intentional church are already inside the church. A dynamic resource is passionate men and women of God who are willing to come alongside parents and families for the purpose of encouraging them to reach their full potential. The same heart that goes into driving the Mothers of Preschoolers ministry in your church will be the same one that drives a MOPs and beyond program that will reach out to mothers of school age children and teens. It is also the same heart that will go into planning a multi-generation event such as a Mother-Daughter FAC (Friends and Conversation) that provoke people to thinking about the theme such as, “What matters most in your family?” (Five Simple Ways to Grow a Great Family, Carol Kuykendall)
The same ideas and planning that go into the Boy Scouts, where fathers and sons get to participate in life together can be easily transferred into the church setting. Typical scouting activities include camping, day hikes, canoeing, model car derbies, and service projects which could easily be implemented within church events to promote the development of father-son relationships or the overall relationship of the family. (scouting.org) These activities would be used to fulfill the commission that God has for families. God has commanded that parents be about the work of impressing upon the hearts of their children the commandments of the Lord as they go through the day and even sit at home. Fathers are specifically told in the scriptures to bring up their children in the training and instruction of the Lord. These activities should successfully promote parental involvement in their adolescent’s spiritual development. (MinistryToday 2009)
Creating opportunities for adolescents to affirm their parents is a great opportunity to build the parent relationship. Parents don’t often times get to hear words of affirmation from their children. As parents are learning to be affirming of their adolescents it is equally important that the children are reciprocal within the relationship and that the ministry of the church works to build up the parents of the youth in the eyes of the youth, not tear them down. Creating opportunities for success in relationships through annual father/daughter and mother/son banquets at which children have the opportunity to affirm their parents can have positive relationship altering results. (Transparenting, Steve Keels p2)
Parents equally need to be challenged to be someone that their child can look up to and be connected to. Parents need to be challenged by churches to stay involved with their youth, stay alert to their child’s culture and friends, to never give up on their child no matter how bleak the circumstance, and to never stop being proud of their children. Children need affirmation and to know that their relationship with their mother and their father is a safe place. (Transparenting, Steve Keels)
It is important in the development of parent education that churches are in tune with the current needs. If issues of body image are arising within the adolescents of the church it is important that someone is trained in how to equip parents and adolescents to deal with those current issues and resources are made available. A great resource for healthy eating for teens and their parents is the Body Works program available through womenshealth.gov/bodyworks. This resource will provide training and program implementation.
Resources are available for education concerning economic needs of their families. Two great resources for churches to implement in the training of Christian economics are Crown Financial Ministries, located on the web at Crown.org and Financial Peace University along with the Total Money Makeover at daveramsey.com. The quality and breadth of these resources would allow a church to implement excellent financial training.
If drug abuse is the current issue at hand there are great resources at timetotalk.org, from printable tool kits that can be used at a church resource center, to podcasts, and videos. We are in the technology age. “Online technology has become deeply embedded in society. Millions of Americans have become dependent upon the new digital conveniences that provide them with entertainment, information, products, and content.” (Barna Technology Study: Social Networking, Online Entertainment and Church Podcasts 2008)
It would be wise with this growing dependence on technology for churches to develop their websites to not only be a resource for upcoming church events but also a link to resources that can equip, challenge, and encourage parents to become more engaged in the spiritual development of their children. If the talent or technology is available within a church to create tool kits, podcasts, and videos using the people youth are most familiar with to convey the message of the church then it would be wise to do so.
Beyond the technology there is a simple call. A call for parents to impress upon the hearts of their children the commandments of God as found in Deuteronomy 6:6-7. Have parents memorize these scriptures. Provoke parents to hide the word of God in their hearts that they would not sin against God by neglecting their high calling to make disciples of their children. Help them to develop a customized plan to fit the unique needs of their family’s different ages and stages. (Focus on the Family Parents’ Guide to the Spiritual Growth of Children) A small group may work well to encourage a family plan; however, at the heart of the training is the concept that the family is the discipleship group.
Conclusion
The role of the church is to equip parents for family discipleship, specifically the discipleship of their children. Equipping of parents for this important ministry is done through education through training. The training of parents is for the purpose of producing knowledge, the development of skills, and accumulation of experience so that they will respond by taking leadership and responsibility for the spiritual development of their adolescents.
In the current American culture the key issues for parents of adolescents are dramatic biological changes, a rapidly changing social climate, changes to the American family, changes in the economy, the media, and the spiritual climate all lead to risks and opportunities for youth. All of which the church has the power and resources to help equip parents to train their children in a Biblical world view. Through which youth will develop a healthy vision for their future and respect for the expectations of adulthood.
When it comes to the lives of youth, no one can take the place of the parent. Parents should not be waiting for someone else to share Jesus with their children. They need to be exhorted to take the leadership in doing it themselves. They need to be spurred on to the reading of scriptures with their children and to its memorization. Parents need to be taught to lead their families in prayer and in service to their community. Parents need to equip their children through discipleship as the church disciples them. (Transparenting, Steve Keels)
