Despite the fact that this is one of the most famous Bible passages regarding marriage, it is often the most disregarded. It gives clear instructions on how to have a successful marriage, and highlights the importance of a good marriage by pointing out the similarities between a husband-wife relationship and the relationship between Christ and the church. Yet, most American couples would rather flush this passage down the toilet than apply it to their lives. Why? Because following this passage requires selflessness and sacrifice, something no one wants to do. Is there any wonder that more than half of American marriages end in divorce, and many more non-marital relationships (read: living together without marriage) break up?
Since the scriptures begin with the wife, I'll begin with the wife... but ladies, hang in there, I'll get to the husband's responsibilities too. A good marriage is a two-way street.
Verses 22-23 tell wives to submit themselves to their husbands, as unto the Lord, reminding them that as Christ is head of the church, the husband is the head of the wife. Notice in verse 23, Paul adds that Christ is the savior of the body.
Most churches want to follow God's will. They want to follow the leadership of Christ, and they want to know what the will of Christ is.
The churches I have been a part of wanted to serve the Lord, wanted to submit to His leadership, longed for the Spirit to move and give direction... why? Because we love the Lord and want to be close to Him, to please Him, to see His will done, and to see Him victorious.
In the same way, wives should submit to their husbands. As a church sets aside its own vision to follow the Lord, so should a wife set aside her own dreams to follow her husband. I know this is not politically correct, but follow me here.
Just as a church is all about Jesus, a wife should be all about her husband. Her goal in life should be to honor her husband, to do his will, and to help him succeed. They say, behind every successful man is a good (and sometimes surprised) woman. Proverbs 31 says her husband sits in the city gates and is known by the elders of the land, all because of what she does for him. Read Proverbs 31. That woman did a lot. She wasn't just barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
You never see a church sit around and complain about Christ, and you never hear a bunch of preachers at an association, fellowship or convention meeting sit around and list the ways Christ could be better. They may complain about each other, but not Christ.
In the same way, when wives berate their husbands in front of others, they are falling short of what God wants them to be. The same way a church loves and submits to the Lord, a wife should love and submit to her husband.
In verse 25, scripture turns the attention to the husband. The husband is to love his wife the same way Christ loved the church... and gave Himself for it.
How much did Christ love the church? Enough to die for it. He died for the church, He puts up with the faults of the church, is patient, caring, and guides the church. Not only that, but He is all about the church, and believers in general.
Jesus died on the cross to save sinners. He died on the cross so that sinners could be saved and grow closer to Him in a church. Since His death, burial and resurrection, Jesus has been all about the church. The church was the joy that was set before Him in Hebrews 12:2. He makes intercession for the church. He leads the church. He empowers the church. He blesses the church.
Sometimes churches drift away from Christ. They quit doing what He called them to do, or they drift away from Him doctrinally. Nevertheless, He stays with them, patiently guiding them back into His will.
In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives. A husband should love his wife enough to die for her... moreover, he should love her enough to live for her. The Bible says Christ gave Himself for the church. The same way, the husband should give himself for his wife... meaning that her needs come before his dreams.
The husband has the responsibility to sacrifice for the well being of his wife. He has the responsibility to come home after work and spend time with her instead of his buddies. (Oh, there's time for buddies, but not at the expense of his wife). He has the responsibility to place her and her needs above his.
Moreover, he has the responsibility to be patient with her. Women are emotional, at least the ones I have known are. Sometimes, they act out on those emotions. We are responsible as men to not become frustrated at those emotions, to continue to show our wives love and kindness despite the emotional state they are in.
We are also responsible to not go off the deep end every time we come home to a dirty house. We are responsible to allow our wives to have lives... I could go on.
I'm really having trouble expressing my view here... but basically, if wives submitted to their husbands unconditionally like the church submits to Christ, and men loved their wives unconditionally like Christ loved the church, and if both put themselves aside and loved each other like Christ and the church, then marriage would be a happy thing... not a dreaded thing that is the joke of sitcoms and break-rooms.
Wives, be all about your husbands. Let your hopes and dreams revolve around them, and help them to be the men God has called them to be. Husbands, love your wives. Put your desires aside and take care of her first. If we all do that, we can reduce stress, blood pressure, and the demand for marriage counselors and divorce lawyers... but more importantly, we will honor and glorify our Savior.
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